Just a little

to the left. Or right. Sorry, no. Your other right. OK turn toward me a little. Good.

   So this isn't the first time I've worked and gotten paid for my art, but today I used the words for the first time. I said "professional" in reference to myself as a photographer.

   I'm standing quite vulnerably the doorway of a potential client, heavily laden with camera equipment on my first day in the hospital by myself, asking to come in and do their photo shoot. After I let them know that their pictures would be beautiful... the dad says to the mom, "You have your own digital camera, you can take pictures of her," as he points to the point-and-shoot camera in the mom's purse.

 What??

Yep. He said that

I promptly replied, almost interrupting him but not, "the hospital provides you with a photo shoot from a professional photographer, which would be me".

There. I said it. It is true technically. I did get paid to do it.

I've been putting off saying it out loud, because I thought that somehow, by admitting this title, this label, I would be accountable to commit to it. And I feared that somehow, I might loose my interest as soon as the "goal" became my "reality". I have been good at other things in life, and enjoyed them immensely, such as singing, and dancing. But I never really had the guts to make my passion part of my living. Part of my existence. I always had the fear that as soon as it became my job, then I would immediately lose all enjoyment for my art, whether it be singing or making images.

Well. It is day one. I'm not jaded yet. I had fun. But I think I took more steps per hour than a waitress at happy hour. Good thing I like to work out.

I'm praying that I can stick to this. I can BS myself into anything, but when the rubber meets the road, do I have what it takes? Fake it till you make it, and quit when you do. How do I know this will be any different?

I hope so.

I've just never been able to stick to anything before.