Oh Oh, I want some mooooore....

I have this favorite bread that I will often make a special trip and drive 20-30 minutes to buy. At $5 per loaf however, I had to start figuring out how to make it myself. I just will not eat white flour, see, and this is the only really yummy bread I know of that is 100% whole wheat.
Ok. So sometimes. Well, just about as often as I like to eat ice cream, I will indulge in a french baguette slathered in butter. It's one of my weaknesses, okay. Leave me alone.
But anyway, most of the time, I prefer to eat whole wheat, and almost EVERY recipe I found for "whole wheat bread" uses almost or MOSTLY HALF white flour. I guess someone decided that it must be to difficult a recipe to master, so they would just lie to everyone and say it couldn't be done.

And DONE.
I have your delicious, easy, 100% Whole Wheat Bread. Hope you're hungry.

    2 3/4 cups of hot water
    1/3 cup of oil, olive is fine
    1/4 cup of brown sugar
    2 tablespoons agave nectar (maple syrup is good too)
    3/4 tablespoon salt, any kind
    7 1/2 cups (max) of 100% whole grain wheat flour (King Arthur recommended)
    2 tablespoons of dry active yeast

Directions:

1. Place the first five ingredients in the bowl and mix.

2. Add: 2 Cups 100% whole grain wheat flour. Mix, then add 2 tablespoons of dry active yeast. If your not sure about your yeast proof it in a little warm water first.

3. Add: 4 cups of 100% whole grain wheat flour.

4. Mix until the consistency is some what even. Then continue to slowly add flour 1/2 cup at a time until the dough quits sticking to the sides of the bowl. It should be tacky to the touch. The trick is to have enough consistency to stand up with the least amount of flour so the bread will be fluffy. In any case do not exceed 7 1/2 cups of wheat flour.  Don't over mix or the bread will be tough.

5. When your dough is finished, Cover the bowl and let it rise for about 30-45 minutes. Dough should be double in size.

6. Grease two bread pans with olive oil spray or any kind of slippery stuff.  You can also flour the pans to reduce sticking.

7. Mix again just enough to knock it down at least close to the original size.

8. Drop the dough on a floured surface so you can work the dough and shape it. Roll it in the flour and shape it in your hands to make a nice ball getting enough flour on it so it isn't sticky.

Divide the ball in half and do it again.

Shape the loaves by turning the dough under it's self over and over. When the dough is shaped right the sides and ends will be sealed and all you will see is a nice oblong shaped loaf with smooth sides and top.

Drop the loaves in your bread pans and let them rise until almost doubled. At this point, we usually go to the park or something.
Preheat your oven to 350 and bake for 36 minutes.

9. When done turn the bread out of the pan to a rack to cool. You can eat it right away with BUTTER, or peanut butter if you're me and butter is not your friend.  Wait till it's completely room temperature to wrap it up or else the condensation will make it wet. You can freeze one loaf and eat the other one. I would cut it when it' completely cooled because it get's hard when it's cold and easier to cut.

Notes: I usually use a fork and big bowl to mix this. No power mixers here. Fingers are OK. If you like fluffy wheat bread like they make at Great Harvest Bakery, this is it! I use King Arthur flour, only because it's the only one I've tried so I stick with it. This will not end up hard and dense unless you mix it too much. And no kneeding. This is a no needy bread zone, so keep your rings on.

Serves: 12

Preparation time: 3 hours

Firey trial for His Glory.

 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. 

As an American woman living though one of the most financially devastating times in our country's history, I've spent a lot of time the last few years afraid of what may happen to me. In the height of the real estate market, I leveraged myself to the hilt, proud of myself for having a great job and making money, and proud of myself for being a homeowner at 22. In 2008, my home's value plummeted by over half!
Today, we are teetering on the fence of going into foreclosure or skating by with a short-sale, as I can no longer afford to pay for it. Should I be surprised? Maybe. I'm young enough to claim naivete at the time of buying this place. But if this mess hadn't happened, would there just have been a different one? I bet.

I've spent a lot of my life oppressed by worry, and it seems that just as one worry is gone, another shows its ugly face. But most of the time, I end up "borrowing trouble" as my mother used to call it. I spend so much energy on the anxiety, that my mind actually suffers the pain of the possible outcome, and most of the time the worst case scenario doesn't even happen. Why can't I just trust God?

I know that God is my Father, and loves me like a daughter (and thus, wouldn't want any harm to come to me). But I'm struggling with that. If that is true, than one of two things is also true. God either has no control over the bad things that have happened to me; or he has some kind of redemptive plan that I just can't see yet to work it all out for my good. I know the former is a lie, but it would make it it easier for me to love God and take comfort in his presence, but I wouldn't feel safe with Him. Knowing that the latter is true, then I will continue to feel stuck and frustrated in the waiting.  The bible says to "cast all your anxieties on Him, because he cares for you" 1Peter 5:7. In this, I can hope for some comfort, like a little girl in her daddy's lap crying from a skinned knee. But He's not going to shelter me from every bit of hardship or trial. This is how He shows me a glimpse of the suffering that Christ endured to save me.  I guess, in a little way, that makes me feel special.

Just a little

to the left. Or right. Sorry, no. Your other right. OK turn toward me a little. Good.

   So this isn't the first time I've worked and gotten paid for my art, but today I used the words for the first time. I said "professional" in reference to myself as a photographer.

   I'm standing quite vulnerably the doorway of a potential client, heavily laden with camera equipment on my first day in the hospital by myself, asking to come in and do their photo shoot. After I let them know that their pictures would be beautiful... the dad says to the mom, "You have your own digital camera, you can take pictures of her," as he points to the point-and-shoot camera in the mom's purse.

 What??

Yep. He said that

I promptly replied, almost interrupting him but not, "the hospital provides you with a photo shoot from a professional photographer, which would be me".

There. I said it. It is true technically. I did get paid to do it.

I've been putting off saying it out loud, because I thought that somehow, by admitting this title, this label, I would be accountable to commit to it. And I feared that somehow, I might loose my interest as soon as the "goal" became my "reality". I have been good at other things in life, and enjoyed them immensely, such as singing, and dancing. But I never really had the guts to make my passion part of my living. Part of my existence. I always had the fear that as soon as it became my job, then I would immediately lose all enjoyment for my art, whether it be singing or making images.

Well. It is day one. I'm not jaded yet. I had fun. But I think I took more steps per hour than a waitress at happy hour. Good thing I like to work out.

I'm praying that I can stick to this. I can BS myself into anything, but when the rubber meets the road, do I have what it takes? Fake it till you make it, and quit when you do. How do I know this will be any different?

I hope so.

I've just never been able to stick to anything before.

John's life

I've lately been reading Acts for what seems like the first time. Its odd to me how I feel like I've read pieces of the whole Bible through my life, only to find that there are whole books that are completely unfamiliar to me. Oh what a story!
Can I just say that if I could get my stuff together, I would write a first person narrative on the life of Luke to showcase in more colorful terms, all the mud they had to be drug through for the sake of spreading the gospel.

I digress...

The verse that drove me to loss of breath today was this:

"I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace" (Acts 20:24)

and then I fall over dead.

How many times have I considered the approval of someone else worth more to me than even attempting the task of spreading the gospel? How many times have you? And Paul puts this task above the preciousness of even his own life!

God, thank you that your grace allows even a wimpy flip-flopper like me to have a living relationship with you.

Julie and Julia Inspiration

This Sunday we received a copy of Julie and Julia in our mailbox from Netflix. Though it was the movie that I took my baby to on our first date (we go on movie dates together on Friday mornings), I thought I should watch it again, and boy was it inspirational. But it has also put me in a very contemplative state.

Could I ever stick to ONE subject for a year like Julie did with her blog through the cookbook?
Could I ever stick to ONE subject long enough to get a whole book published like Julia did?

Themes that I've been toying around with for the last 5 years:

efficacy

self discovery

identity

idolatry

how-tos
how-not-tos

exercise/diet

Bible devotionals

Maybe if I could narrow down a topic and focus on it... I could do something important. Something inspirational. God forbid I ever say what Amy Adam's character said ... something like... "maybe if I get published we won't have to live above a pizzeria forever" That would be a horrible thing to say. I would never say that. I live on the ground floor.

What if I started a pyramid scheme.... I know someone who just did... I could get in on the ground floor with them?

God... I beg you for contentment and a focus on you. I ask you to give me a quiet spirit, and an ability to clothe myself in righteousness

Time to change Little Man's diaper before it makes my neighbours pass out.

Happy messes

You are

my messed up hair

my unplucked eyebrows

every morning

the antidote to my sleep

the sweet potato stained

half snapped onsie

that never quite made it to the wash

once in a while

your naps are too long

your laughs are too much fun

and I ask God,

Did my heart beat

before you were in it?

Did my hips have a use?

Did my arms feel their strength?

Not till you were born.

My sweet disorganized son.

Peanut butter cup ice cream brownies. Oh My!

One half gallon of

Reses Peanut Butter Cup Ice cream

One Package of

Betty Crocker Supreme Brownies

Cook the brownies in a larger pan than called for, so they're thin

Spread Adam's Peanut butter on top of the brownie

Thaw out the ice cream and spread that on top of the cooled brownie

top with Cool Whip and chocolate chips.

I die.